I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.
Deep Sleep! Hypnosis for Insomnia
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following: ______a Martini ______a Margarita ______a Scotch and soda ______a Bloody Mary ______a Vodka and Tonic ______a glass of Chardonnay ______a Steak ______Lobster or crab legs ______The remote control ______a bowl of ice cream ______The sports page ______Chocolate ______Sex It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better.
Discount Long Distance Plans
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had. Signature: ___________________________ Date: ___________________________
NOTE: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. Some of them don't even need embalming when their time comes . If anyone knows the name of this happy place PLEASE pass it on
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