Changing beliefs

Happiness is a Choice

This book was a life changer for me.

I read it very closely at a period in my life when I was depressed. My marriage had broken up. I was separated from two daughters to whom I had grown very close. I was fortunate to have spent a lot of time bringing them up and sharing happy experiences.

My last two daughters were born in Jamaica. First we lived in the hills. We were on campus working at a co-educational boarding school. I was able to be present at their births and to have a hands on day to day contact with them. Later we moved to a beautiful campus at Passley Gardens near Port Antonio. Not only did this campus have two beaches but we were twenty minutes away from the world class San San beach.

I had an ideal teaching schedule. I was finished teaching by 11 am every day. We lived in a spacious four bedroom house on the campus. We had a wonderful young woman working for us. I was able to spend valuable hours with my daughters either at home or at the beaches. We did many thing together.

This ideal world suddenly fell apart soon after we moved to Kingston, the capital city. There was a massive hurricane in September 1988. A month later my then wife took my daughters and went to Canada. I was left alone and soon fell into depression. I did not know it then. I just gave in to despair and loss of hope.

There is another story about how I was guided away from this shattering life experience in Jamaica to the beautiful islands of Turks and Caicos. I will write about that at another time. For this piece it is best to know that I found myself on a beautiful island with dark thoughts and beliefs.

I was fortunate to discover both “Happiness is a Choice’ and a joint reader and loving, non-judgmental listener Radha Singh. Today when I hear others talk of her wonderful skills my mind goes back to those days when she rescued me from despair by implementing the loving, non-judgmental Socratic dialogue that we both learned from “Happiness is a Choice.’

Looking back I had to go beyond many limiting beliefs. The first was that I was a failure because my marriage had failed. There were other beliefs that I was not a good parent that I was not understanding and communicate. Above all was the belief that I was not a good person.

There were two major things I learnt then. First I had choices. I could have different responses to my experiences. Most of all I could choose to be happy. Here I was in an idyllic island and I was choosing to be miserable. I was surrounded by loving people. I had a job that I loved. I had peaceful music around me. I had meditative and spiritual experiences I could choose.

The second was that I had someone who could gently walk me away from my negative beliefs and open up for me the expertise within me that she could see but I could not. Knowing that you are your own best expert was the lesson I was learning. Stepping way from self-pity and the common way of not taking responsibility for your thoughts and the experiences they attract was not easy.

Recently I read that a Shaman commented that periods like depression – your darkest hours, can bring you to higher levels of spiritual experience. The “Happiness is a Choice” experience brought me to new levels. I learnt to love strongly at a distance. I drew happy experiences. I deeply and completely loved myself. I began a journey that has made me more balanced. I am grateful to Barry Neil Kauffmann and Radha Singh for their wise, non-directive guidance.